Boys Don't Like Girls Who Drive Vans

So last friday i had to work from 11 in the morning until 5 then from 7 until 2:30 a.m. it sucked. i hate kohls. i was just going to skip class, my french and my food science one. well in my food science one i completely forgot we had a test until it was too late. so i emailed him and told him my grandpa died and i had to leave immediately to fly out to ohio. pointer #1: do not give too much information! it narrows things down too much and makes it harder. when my g-pa really did die last year, ahem, on my birthday, during finals week and i emailed my teachers they had no problem letting me make up the finals and none asked for documentation. so i figured my food science teacher wouldn't either. WRONG. he said before i could the make-up in december i would need a funeral program or death certificate. ok no bigger. i am great at forging stuff. ok lets call it reproducing an almost exact copy of important things, such as physicals (i hate doctors and wanted to play tennis), report cards (dad was gonna take the van away if i didn't have a C average) and doctor's notes (i needed off work i can;t remember what for at the moment). i am actually really good at this stuff and would so do it if it weren't so illegal. make the rules with lax too. anyhoo, i had plenty of time to get it done and would just get the program from my gpa's funeral when i went home for break. so. i worked and slept and was depressed i think all weekend and just wanted to sleep. so i slept in on monday and didn't go to french. no big deal i am awesome at french and can afford to miss a class. WRONG. the teacher gave a pop quiz. i sent her an email saying how my gpa died on thursday and i had to leave immediately to be with family in ohio and i had forgotten in the rush to notify her. too much info. but whatever. once again i figured she wouldn;t ask to see proof for a god forsaken 10 point quiz. WRONG. well i couldn;t make like a real program so i told her i had forgotten one at home and my dad could scan and email me one up. she said that would work. i was going to have my sister scan my gpa's one and just change it but only my dad knows how to work the scanner. now i did consider asking my dad to scan it for me. i would haave to explain why and i cannot lie to that man to save my life. so i considered telling the truth. i thought it out carefully and decided against it cuz my dad values honestly and intergrity or whatever. so i searched google images and found one that worked. my comp doesn't have photoshop or anything like that. so i was like i was on yearbook for 3 years. i can just design one on word, fold it, scan it, bada bing bada boom. then i remembered i had deleted word to make room for my music and videos for my new ipod. fuck me running. so at like 11:53 at night when i was done playing LIFE with the boys, i went to the comp lab my appt has and tried to design one. i couldn't find a scanner and need it for the next day. well that day rather since it was like 12:56 at that point. so i remembered the scanner on campus in one of the 24 hour comp labs. i rushed over and every comp by the scanner was taken. i felt like i would be judged if someone saw what i was doing. so i grabbed a secluded comp and went to work. i found software that edited photos and got busy. it took me like an hour and a half but i had created a perfectly scanned copy of the funeral program with out scanning. i drove home and went to bed at like 5 cuz i felt guilty. since i kinda believed in karma i was sure i was going to spontaneously combust twice, since i made two copies. on friday i took my french quiz, did fantastic, went to class then left at noon to get nick to the airport at 2 and keegan home after that. we had the car loaded up, ready to go on time. we get 2 minutes out and wham. i run right into the back of an SUV that is stopped with no brake lights or blinker. i was paying attention, i swear, ask nick and keegan. so we pull over, the cops come, my hood is smashed upward, the radiator is busted, i hurt. i can't get ahold of my dad so i freak out and cry from panic and pain. well i blame it on the panic cuz i am not going to the hospital. fuck that shit. i hate doctors all up in my business. well the whole thing takes forever and as the adrenaline wears off, my chest and back hurt real bad. like to breathe and laugh and cry. so i just stop. keegan and nick decide its a good idea to go so i give up and just go. nick leaves cuz he is fine and takes the bottle of vodka i had in the back in the open out in his coat. classy i know. so me and keegan go and get x-rayed and checked out. i am a little worse off than keegan. she goes in first though and gets a room to herself while i am stuck in he hall on a bed with like really sick people coughing up lungs and bleeding from the ears. i am pretty sure i caught like SARS from there. she also got a gown to get x-rayed in while i had to take my bra off through the sleeves of my shirt in the goddamn hallway. i hope those invalids enjoyed my show. shit. so i walk the x-ray room like white trash at wal-mart with no support. turns out i had the slightest internal bleeding which could have been marked down to bruising or whatever. they said it pretty mch stopped before it began. i had to wait a good 2 hours in the ER by myself and i was not talking to Bleeding Ears or Tuberculosis next to me so i just got to thinking about karma. they release us and keegans dad took us home to STL and nick to the airport. i am feeling a little better but i did pee blood this morning a little. i'm not going back to the ER. i will just deal with it. its a nice change anyway. its kinda marbled and lovely now. i am a little pissed though that karma took my car. why couldn't it have taken my hair or my ipod or my leg. actually just leg. why? i have no idea how i am going to get to work or home for thanksgiving. whatever. i will just eat the turkey lunch meat in the drawer i think is only a little bit expired.


i am feeling much better. my roommates left me for the holiday week and i am completely alone. i went to work on sunday and monday which wasn;t bad cuz i got to talk to people. but today i didnt work and all the time i am home alone is making me crazy. i talk to myself i've realized and just have sudden outbursts. i talked to my unicorn mystic and asked her what she wants to eat when we get hungry. i ate ridiculous things and did stupid stuff to pass the time. i have taken idk how many baths and organized my closet. i have played with my make up and done my hair so much i think i have done permanent damage. i am still alittle sore from the accident but that did not stop from trying to learn the dance moves to dirty pop (the part where jt's like man i'm tired of singing) or choreographing to some of my fave songs. i ate half a bag of frozen raspberries and ordered chinese just so i could have some human interaction. and ok i was hungry and the food was good. i did have a visitor but i am not going into that. i cleaned our kitchen and everything. i planned on sleeping away my day off. i went to bed super late and when i woke up this morning i felt super rested and just knew it had to be like at least 2 in the afternoon. i looked at the clock and it was 8:24. ok i will just go back to sleep. wrong. i got up and ate the chinese food that was supposed to be lunch/dinner at like 8:45. i cleaned and watched tv. i got a headache from not having my daily dose of caffeine. i ate the hot chocolate mix out of the packet thing and then ate the powdered red gatorade mix from the can. it was tasty. my mouth was a little dry. i drank some wine from the 5 liter bottle in our kitchen. i'm aware that this probably qualifies me as an alcoholic but it helps pass the time. and i can quit when i want. i was hung over by 5 and passed out at 6 only to wake up 9:30. i watched nip/tuck and american pie. again. now i am updating my xanga and getting ready to go to bed. i work tomorrow. thank god. i need human interaction. i am going to hug everyone. no joke. then my dad is coming to pick up my car and take me the fuck home.

Boys Don't Like Girls Who Drive Vans

i got a phone call from just a number, no name on thursday as i was getting out of the shower so i answered it. i heard "iiiii'm here!" coming from the other end then it clicked that i was supposed to pick up my friend jamie who flew in from rhode island to see me. i completely forgot and was like "oh? i will be there in 10 minutes, trafiic is retched". i got dressed and sped the whole way there. i was so excited to see her all week i cannot believe i forgot. we had fun the whole weekend. we reminiscenced about first semester in the dorms when we first met. she also visited this guy who she liked alot who also had a girlfriend. i saw a movie with cortney(more on that later). she called me at like midnight and was like come pick up all crying and stuff. so i went with nick and picked her up. on the way back she leans out the car door and throws up. nick totally queens out on me and prances in the house shrieking "ew ew ew ew groooooooss!". i turn up the radio to drown out the splatter but then i smeel it and start to feel sick. fuck it. i pull the car in crookedly and start ralphing myslef on the other side of the car. jamie is trying to apologize between hurls as i am trying to comfort her between my own. we finally make it inside and i see these guys who were wathcing us with their arms crossed, expressionless.
ok so lately i have been really really sad. it seems like all of my friends have been letting me down excpet for keegan. without her i would die. she is my escape, my release, my good time no matter what. i can be who i am around her without judgement and tell her anything. she has helped me so much by letting me sleep in her room and just helping me. i love her to death. me and nick used to be super close but now that him and zo are boyfriend and i guess boyfriend i am left out. it seems like he only gives me attention when he needs a ride someplace. i will be telling him a story and he will interrupt me and say outloud "i wonder where my zo is at". what the hell. when nick was mad at zo i was there for him. i was his sidekick. he was fun.now that he is taken he doesn;t want to do anything unless zo is doing it. he is zo's little bitch. now don't get me wrong, i love zo to death and i don;t blame him for the way nick has been treating me and acting lately. nick does it all himself. i just wish i was more included. nick is one of my best friends and i love spending time with him but i can;t anymore it seems. it makes me hate "zo-and-nick". which i don;t want to do. i want to be happy that they are happy but its hard when our status went from "twins" down to "aquaintances". whenever i think about it, i get a bad taste in my mouth and it makes me want to avoid him. i almost wisj i would have chosen to live on campus. he would have never told me he was gay and i would have been ignorant and blissful. and then when i did see him every once and a while i maybe could have 100% of his attention even if for a little while. i also wouldn;t have to put up with kenneth's petty bullshit and teeter totter moods. i think i might be happier and mentally heathier. i swear i am trying to be optimistic and focus on the good things but sometimes its strains me to find it. and that can be exhausting. i have tried to talk to nick about it but he says i am being dramatic. so i just give up and pretend. i wonder if i had a significant other to obsess about if i would be better. hmm. i am going to get on that. there is this guy names ryan that i think is completely adorable. he is always complimenting me whenever i see him and (i hope) flirting. idk if he does that to every girl. i really don't care, i like it. i joked about how i have a crush on him and they all pretty much shot him down saying he wasn't good. secretly i am so attracted to him. he is funny and cute and really nice. whatev. whatever happens, happens. since whenever me and nick eat together anymore we fight, i decided to try something daring and eat by myself. ok. i ate by myself cuz i had no one else to eat with besides him. well it worked out well in my favor. a few days ago i ate with my hetero life partner becky and saw this guy i am also in love with at plaza. mike came over and said hi to me first and when he asked how i was doing and i said eh, instead of leaving it at that he genuinely seemed to care and asked why. that made my day. then when i decided to eat by myself i saw him at a table before he saw me. i am very good that by the way. i am always very aware of my surroundings and who is in them. so i strategically sat at a table a few away from but still in sight of him and pretended to be engrossed in my ipod. i set myself down and got in line for food. on the way back, i passed him but kept my eyes on my table. he asked if i was eating alone and i said he yes. he then said the hottest thing. he like ordered me to come sit with him. he was like "nope you're sitting with me now." ooo. i could have taken him on that table right there in the dining hall. i sat with two of his guy friends. one of which i sort of knew. i chatted them up and tried to be as charming as possible. i kinda see the friend i knew as potential too. the other one was too weird. i felt pretty good then. i had a test that day too so i studied for it and when i thought i couldn't study anymore i really got the urge to check my facebook and such. so i went to the computer store by the bookstore since all the other compters were taken and used one of the displays. tacky i know. but i had the shakes. so i checked facebook and had a comment from ryan. my day was basically made. i took my test and i think i did really well on it. keegan had given me atterol and it honestly helped me focus. my mind didn;t race like it usually does and i could actually organize my thoughts. i studied with it the night before and retained so much info. more than i usually do. so i popped another a few hours before my test. i think i did really well. it took me almost half the time to finish because i studied better and i didn;t have to struggle to focus on the questions and reread them. my mind wasn;t wandering, thinking about the stupid little things going on around me. after that i went and hung out with keegan. a perfect end to a really good day. then i got up and had breakfast in the dining hall by myself before working at 11 in the morning. i got off at 5, ate dinner with keegan and had to go back in at 7 until 1. yep. thats like 12 or so hours. but i feel really good. i cut myself on a cardboard box today and almost threw up, passed out and peed all at the same time. i really thought i was going to faint though. i told the lady who i was ringing out that if she got me a bandaid at customer service, i would give her 40 percent off her entire purchase. she did so i did too. then i was taking returns back and i had this little candle lamp thing. well i tripped over something and the glass holder part fell out and shattered. the pieces went everywhere. i was supposed to stand there and tell customers to watch out but i watched them step on it. oops. it took forever. it rained really bad today ad this lady came lke running in and she slipped and fell on her ass. i tried with every fiber in my being not to laugh at her and keep straight face. i couldn't do better than what must have been a big goofy smile and asked if she was ok. she said yes so i turned around and laughed and laughed. josh this gay guy who i loooooove went to help her and somehow my boss found out. she thought it was pretty funny though. i also called her up when i needed change and told her there was a small fire at my register and she believed me.
i am so glad things are getting better. i knew they would but i was getting impatient. i still have something else i have been wanting to get off my chest but i will save it for next time when i have something good to counter it. maybe tomorrow?